last post before i go into surgery this morning. i'm sure some of you are hoping i die from this. well, i'm certain i'll come through just fine,
if only to spite you.
in the events leading up to your switch from blogger to livejournal, andrea (or perhaps they didn't lead to it but merely preceded it), you said some crap about james that sounded alot like regret. i can't say that i understand your motives, andrea. (besides sex and pure emotion, what else have you said in reference to your relationship with james?) but i digress. if jess had said such stuff about me, yeah i'd be depressed.
i do think it's stupid to get depressed over an election, even the presidential one. perhaps that's because i'm
always depressed. note: this is not "paul getting attention." this is plain fact. i have never once blamed jess for any depression, and i never will. i've said it before, and i'll say it again:
jess is the only reason i haven't done myself in yet.
we clear?
i do apologize for the rashness of my comment, andrea, about you causing james' depression. it was uncalled for, and while i hope you'll forgive me, forgiveness is a christian virtue, so i don't expect it. i'll certainly not lose any sleep over it, at any rate. not with me being drugged to the gills later today.
and andrea, i don't appreciate your bringing up my cutting. i don't talk about it to anyone except jess, james, and ralph. you are excluded. you don't even
try to understand! but i haven't even seen james or ralph in the longest time (and i love how no one calls me, i call them). i'll call this the jason syndrome. but you know, i'm allowed to talk about my depression all i want here - it's not getting attention, it's just venting! there's something very satisfactory to me about putting into visual form. like poetry.
i guess that's all that's on my mind. i'm going to take a shower now, then write an essay, then get my wisdom teeth removed. good thing too, since the right one is cutting its way through my cheek.
you are the antidote that got me by
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