i want to kill myself when i feel bad; i want to kill myself when i feel good. there are different reasons each time, but still, no more me would be good for the world.
but no matter how much i want to die, i cannot do it. there are people who, beyond all reason, love me. and for all my rage for people, i love those few people too. since my death would cause them pain, i will not take my life.
you know, i asked my mom once why she cared about me. why, after all i put her through, she still cared and loved me and provided a place for me to sleep and eat and to go to school and all this stuff (yes i know that was a runon). she got mad at me for asking "such a question."
perhaps i cut myself for the same reasons.
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